Finding the Zen in Inclusion, Part 1

MC Yogi - Give Love (Giving4Living Mix) from MC Yogi on Vimeo.

At KIT we have a number of venues for people who work in child and youth programs to request consultation and help from our staff. In particular, Nili Mathews on the KIT staff provides a great deal of personalized service helping child care and recreation providers work through challenging situations in inclusion. As we debrief some of the calls in our weekly meetings, I have noticed that lately the calls are peppered with a healthy dose of desperation. Now, you have to figure that a call coming into a helpline comes with a certain amount of urgency. However, there is another quality that I have noticed in the past few months, and that is emotion. We’ve heard tell of staff members at youth programs spending a lot of time crying the break room, threatening to quit or just being exasperated and at their wits end over the process of ensuring that a child (whether a two year-old or a ten year-old) can be successful in the program setting.

So, this increased level of emotion and stress in trying to serve children and families will be the theme of my multi-part series “Finding the Zen in Inclusion.” Over the past two years I have been studying yoga and ayurveda, and I have been amazed at how the tenets of yoga have applied so seamlessly to my everyday life. Be sure that this has not a lot to do with organized religion. By offering these thoughts, I do not attempt to take away from your own beliefs, but merely to provide some ideas and maybe even a tool or two that can be useful in dialing down the drama.

Today’s offering is “View everyone as an extension of yourself” (Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul, Deepak Chopra, 2009). I encourage you to practice this when you are having a difficult conversation with a parent, or working through a challenging behavior with a child. Too often we take sides and become adversaries, when what we need to do is find a common sympathy that links us all together. How much love can you give? How much generosity of spirit can you show a child who is pushing all of your buttons? I know it isn’t easy. I know that when you have 30 other children (or more) to serve, and the families they are attached to, that your love and energy is spread pretty thin. But, this is a practice. Give it a try and see what happens when you align yourself with the situation, rather than putting a wall between you and it.

Be sure that this practice of finding one-ness with others is not the same as taking everything personally. It could be that the elevated emotion we are hearing about is because people are taking their jobs, and the tough situations, very personally. It’s an occupational hazard in this field of caring for others. Taking something personally has a flavor of “this is about me and what I have or have not been able to make happen.” Engaging in one-ness with others is more about finding that common place where we can connect with others and find “agreement, consensus and reconciliation” (Chopra).

I give you this MC Yogi video called “Give Love” to enjoy. Please use the comments to discuss.

Inclusion is….about a collective consciousness.

Can a 7 pound newborn move a full-grown woman?

I recently became an aunt to the first baby in my husband and my combined families. I’d been eager to be an aunt for the last 20 years, but I really had no idea what a moving and profound experience it would be. My career has been dedicated to improving the lives of children, and although it has taken several twists and turns along the way, it has always been about making the world a better place for children. I don’t have any children of my own, and up until December 7 no one else in my family did either. In my past work in direct care, parents have occasionally told me that because I don’t have kids I “can’t fully understand.” I will admit to feeling a little offended by this accusation. However, experience is our greatest teacher. The picture is of me holding my nephew when he is 5 days old. As I held him in my arms I gained an even deeper understanding of inclusion- one which parents know from first-hand experience. This child, my nephew, all hope and possibility, deserves to have a life full of love, happiness, friendship and belonging. It’s what we hope for our children. He will bring a lot to the party. His strengths, the skills he learns, the love he has to offer others. Undoubtedly, he will have areas of challenge as well. It’s impossible to know what those will be, but I don’t think any of us gets through this life without facing some of our own personal challenges.

A challenge he should not have to face is being included in community life. Nothing should keep him from the opportunity to play a recreational team sport if he wants to. Or take an art class (his dad, my brother, is a celebrated tattoo artist so an art class could very well be in his future!). Or go to summer camp. And yet, if it is determined by someone, in some school or program, that his needs are too great or his challenges too challenging, that is exactly what could happen. I mull this over as I hold the little 7 pound bundle of love in my arms. I think of all of the parents I know, and of all of the parents of children with disabilities I know and respect through my work. I know they have had this moment, and many other afterwards, dreaming about a future full of love, joy and positive experiences for their child and their family. I silently re-dedicate myself to working even harder than before to ensure that people welcome children- regardless of their ability- to participate, to experience and to belong.

Before December 7 I was a passionate advocate for inclusion. I spend most of my time communicating the benefits of inclusion to others who work in early childhood, recreation and youth development programs. I believe in it whole-heartedly. Now that I have held the mystery of a newborn child in my arms and thought about what the future might hold for him, I own and embody the philosophy of inclusion deep in my soul in a way that I didn’t even know was possible.

Inclusion is…a belief in the value and possibility of a life.

Has a child taught you an important lesson? Have you been changed by an experience in a way you didn’t expect? Please leave a comment and share your experience.